Consent and Communication: Building Healthy Relationships

Music 

The Younger and Wholesome Podcast. You’re listening to the Cincinnati Kids’s Younger and Wholesome Podcast. 

Kate Setter 

Whats up and welcome again to the Cincinnati Kids’s Younger and Wholesome Podcast. I’m Kate Setter, your host for at the moment. And becoming a member of me within the studio at the moment is Ashley Cremins, who’s a repeat visitor. Thanks for being again with us, Ashley. 

Ashley Cremeans 

Thanks for having me once more. 

Kate Setter 

Completely. So Ashley is a social employee in our Meyerson Middle for Protected and Wholesome Kids right here at Cincinnati Kids’s. And she’s joined us earlier than to speak about associated topics, however at the moment we’re actually going to dive into the subject of consent. We’re going to sort of go youthful youngsters to middle-aged youngsters to older youngsters and sort of take a look at what’s consent, how will we give it, why is it essential, simply what do mother and father have to know to assist their youngsters perceive this idea of claiming sure in the event that they want to and no in the event that they gained’t or in the event that they don’t. So Ashley, let’s begin sort of at the start. Once we discuss consent, and youthful youngsters. What does that imply and what’s sort of that start line, these constructing blocks of understanding it? 

Ashley Cremeans 

Yeah, and I believe it’s essential throughout all ages and stage on your youngsters. The most important factor to recollect once you discuss consent is the aim is to empower your youngsters to set boundaries and to respect the boundaries of different youngsters. As mother and father, now we have to reply loads of robust questions for our children. And when now we have these robust conversations, our aim is to construct a relationship with them in order that they know that they will belief us they usually can come to us to reply these robust questions and to maintain an excellent dialogue with them in order that throughout all ages, they know they will ask us these robust conversations. So after we take into consideration younger youngsters, as quickly as they’re in a position to begin speaking, we need to begin figuring out physique components and actually begin having these conversations with them. So we talked final 12 months about boundaries and actually speaking about respecting privateness and letting them know that they will have privateness with their physique and that they will go to their rooms and have privateness and instructing them that it’s okay to know their consolation ranges with their our bodies and saying no in the event that they’re uncomfortable with one thing. So in the event that they don’t like a hug or a kiss or a tickle, it’s okay to empower them to say no and to allow them to know that that’s their physique and that we should be respectful of that and that we have to perceive that that’s okay and asking permission first. Is it okay that we do that? Is it okay that I offer you a hug? Is it okay that I offer you a tickle? That’s actually empowering for teenagers that they’ve the precise to say no to these issues. And additionally with relations or buddies, it’s okay to say, no, I’m not okay with grandma or aunt or uncle giving these sorts of touches or issues like that. After which empowering them in, you recognize, function modeling and constructing in conversations of what various choices are for these sorts of touches if you’re not comfy with hugs or kisses. or tickles. What a couple of excessive 5? Can we try this as an alternative? How a couple of fist bump? Would that be higher? In order that manner we will sort of begin modeling these conversations with youngsters. In order that manner, if some form of contact feels uncomfortable, they know what various choices are. So, you recognize, should you don’t need grandma to offer you a kiss, you are able to do a fist bump as an alternative or a excessive 5. And so they really feel empowered to know what to say as an alternative. And additionally they know what to do if a contact feels uncomfortable, who they will go to and who they will inform if one thing makes them really feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t should be a contact that’s inappropriate. It may be a contact like a kiss, like I don’t really feel okay with that. After which they know who to inform if it makes them really feel uncomfortable. And it actually begins to construct their confidence and know that they will belief their instincts when one thing doesn’t really feel proper and who they will inform when it doesn’t really feel good. 

Kate Setter 

And we do have that dialog from final 12 months that we’ll hyperlink as effectively if you wish to hear that full dialog about boundaries and what we talked about there. And so that’s an ideal grounding and sort of these youngest youngsters, we construct that basis of belief, they know who to come back to if one thing, in the event that they don’t like one thing, they didn’t like a contact. What about youngsters as they sort of transfer into adolescence? After which how can mother and father begin explaining what consent means sort of to these youngsters in that age-appropriate manner? 

Ashley Cremeans 

Yeah, so for adolescents, that’s when they’re actually beginning to construct these relationships with buddies, with friends. That’s after we actually begin wanting to speak to them about conversations, how they’re constructing these relationships with them. So we’re shifting previous that like no means no and extra into the right way to have wholesome conversations and wholesome relationships with their friends. And that’s when peer strain actually begins to take an element too. So we need to discuss the right way to respect one another’s limits and desires. That’s when you’ll be able to actually begin to have conversations too about not making individuals do issues that they don’t need to do. Does your good friend need to come over? Asking questions. In the event that they don’t need to come over, then respect the no. Does your good friend, once you’re out with a good friend, do they need to play basketball within the driveway? No. Okay, don’t make your good friend play basketball in the event that they don’t need to play basketball. In the event that they’re okay with one thing, then respect the sure or respect the no. So actually having these respectful conversations of sure and no. It additionally helps ensure that there’s not misunderstandings between buddies. I really feel like on this adolescent age, that’s when drama begins to occur as a result of there’s loads of misunderstandings as a result of individuals simply don’t have good, clear communication. So I really feel like with adolescents, we have to begin having these conversations of respecting one another and having good, clear boundaries. So what we talked about about with youngsters about clear boundaries, we have to proceed to repeat. I don’t know if anyone, when you’ve adolescence, I’ve a child in adolescence, it’s a dialog you want to have usually and repeating it as a result of they don’t want to listen to it simply as soon as, they should hear it usually. And it’s ones the place you want to be checking in with them. How had been issues with your folks at the moment? Inform me about what you probably did at the moment. What did you guys do once you frolicked? Did every part go okay? Was there something that made you’re feeling uncomfortable? Like simply sort of checking in with them. That is when, you recognize, how Did you guys play video video games at the moment? What did you guys do in your video video games? Like simply do common check-ins along with your youngsters as a result of that is when these issues begin popping up. That is additionally the digital age. All people’s on their telephones, everyone’s enjoying video video games. So simply checking in that ensuring that there’s nothing that made them really feel like unsafe or uncomfortable in that adolescent age. That is when these issues begin to spring up that we will sort of begin to miss. 

Kate Setter 

Any recommendation for sort of these adolescent teenagers? I really feel like they do say sure generally, however there are some clues too that they, possibly that peer strain is a consider what they’re saying. Any like tips about the right way to acknowledge that like, okay, possibly they stated sure, however we must always comply with up. We should always be sure that they really need to play basketball. They’re not simply saying sure as a result of they assume you do. 

Ashley Cremeans 

I believe you’ll be able to sort of verify in too, like, If you’re saying sure, like, did you say sure as a result of everyone else stated sure, however you didn’t actually need to say sure? Like, simply checking in, like, is there one thing alternatively that you just want to do? Like, or is that this one thing that we will play for like somewhat little bit of time after which there’s one thing else that you just want to do as an alternative? So simply sort of possibly providing various options for teenagers. So I believe simply type of providing choices is a superb thought too. So I believe once you ask youngsters, like, we may do that or we may do that, So giving a number of choices is a superb thought too. In order that manner youngsters don’t really feel compelled decisions that they’ve to do that. So giving choices could be good for that adolescent age. I introduced up the digital factor. This teen, this adolescent age is when they’re all beginning to get telephones. So remembering to not share data that you just get on telephones. I really feel like this group is all beginning to get cell telephones and they’re all beginning to textual content. So reminding youngsters in this age to not share issues that you just get in your telephones, to not share conversations. That digital privateness must be personal too. I really feel like that’s the place loads of consent must be shared and talked about as a result of that’s the place loads of issues get skewed and children don’t notice that what you discuss in telephones is additionally must be consent conversations. So that’s an excellent dialog to start out having with this age group as effectively. as effectively. 

Kate Setter 

Agree. I like that quite a bit. So I need to shift gears once more now, sort of take that further step older to youngsters who is likely to be beginning to have relationship relationships. And I need to dig just a bit bit deeper round like strain and silence and feeling obligated. What are some frequent misunderstandings that teenagers have about consent in these areas which are somewhat bit robust to navigate? 

Ashley Cremeans 

So Transferring from like adolescents to teenagers, consent, loads of youngsters don’t perceive that consent, there’s not a authorized definition of consent. What consent must be is a verbal sure. It’s non-negotiable. You must say sure. When you’re speaking about any sort of like, as we transfer into this, we’re shifting into the teenager years once you discuss sure, once you discuss consent, It’s voluntarily given. It can’t be compelled. There can’t be any threats. There will be no manipulation. It needs to be a verbal sure. And at any time, you’ll be able to change your thoughts. So should you don’t need to do one thing and also you’re doing issues otherwise you’re saying okay to one thing or saying sure to one thing, after which one thing occurs and you modify your thoughts and also you say no, instantly, no matter motion you’re doing stops since you’ve then withdrawn consent. 

Kate Setter 

So sure, thanks for sort of bridging us into the teenagers. And this feels just like the years the place we, such as you had been simply saying, we begin to discuss doing issues with others which are generally extra intimate in nature and actually love speaking by means of you can change your thoughts anytime. Are you able to discuss what consent just isn’t, together with the way it, can’t occur below the affect of medicine and alcohol. What different conditions the place consent can not stay? 

Ashley Cremeans 

Yeah, so consent positively can not occur below the affect of medicine and alcohol. So if an individual is intoxicated or they’re asleep, consent can’t be given. So in the event that they’re drunk, in the event that they’re excessive, in the event that they’re handed out, Consent needs to be clear. It needs to be voluntarily given. If you’re impaired in these conditions, you can not give clear consent with that particular person. They’ve to have the ability to clearly talk sure in a significant manner. So in that scenario, you’re not no occasion, one or the opposite. If one is impaired, they can’t clearly give consent. If each are impaired, they can’t clearly give consent at that time. Consent just isn’t silent. In case you are sitting there and you’re not speaking, you’re not giving consent. In case you are saying, I suppose, or I’m unsure, that’s not consent. In case you are unsure and also you freeze within the second, That’s not consent. If you happen to sit there and also you associate with it, that’s not consent. It’s a transparent sure. It’s you verbalize and also you say sure. One of many issues I’ve teen boys, one of many issues I all the time say is that if you’re unsure, ask, like, are you okay with this? Is that this all proper with you? How do you’re feeling? Are you okay shifting ahead? Are we shifting too quick? Is this okay? In case you are unsure about the way you’re shifting ahead with the person who you’re in a relationship relationship with, or should you’re kissing, you’re holding fingers, no matter you’re doing, should you’re not sure about how the person who you’re with is feeling, ask the query. Prefer it’s all the time okay to cease and ask. And no level, like I know these conversations for folks are awkward. On no account is the aim of those conversations to offer permission on your youngsters to have sexual relationships or something like that. The aim of those consent conversations is for cover, is to ensure your youngsters know that they’ve instruments to maintain themselves protected of their relationship relationships and to be sure that they’re wholesome and that they know to have safety and to be protected and to ensure they’re protected of their relationship relationships. The aim is for cover and for promotion. It’s to not like, it’s to not promote having intercourse. That’s not what consent conversations are for. It’s to be sure that they really feel protected of their relationship relationships. 

Kate Setter 

I really feel like so many issues with youngsters, the extra we discuss it, the extra they’ve these alternatives to have the phrases to make use of within the second when that comes out. up. And I really like a few of these phrases that you’re giving us. What are issues that usually really feel sticky for teenagers, really feel tough to navigate in these areas? 

Ashley Cremeans 

Yeah, I imply, I believe an enormous one is that youngsters which are in relationships which have had like sexual relationships with companions earlier than, After which possibly afterward, or a scenario pops up that they don’t need to have a sexual encounter, that one thing occurs they usually don’t need to have intercourse, and… they really feel obligated to or one thing occurred they usually didn’t need to have intercourse, that point doesn’t essentially imply that was a consensual encounter. Simply since you had intercourse as soon as earlier than with this particular person after which later have intercourse with them once you didn’t need to, consent is required each time. Like simply since you did it as soon as doesn’t imply that point is consensual. After which loads of occasions, Once I speak to youngsters, they really feel pressured. A companion asks over and over and over, they usually find yourself agreeing or feeling like they needed to as a result of they had been requested over and over and over to do it. So then they do it as a result of they felt obligated to as a result of that particular person wouldn’t cease asking to do it. 

Kate Setter 

And what’s your recommendation to youngsters who’re in that scenario with a companion who simply retains asking What would we are saying to them to assist them by means of that scenario? 

Ashley Cremeans 

It’s very tough as a result of like we’ve talked about, peer strain is very arduous. I imply, as a lot as I can, I might encourage you to proceed to make use of your voice. When we’re speaking to folks, what I encourage them to do is when now we have these conversations to arrange some form of system. Is there a code phrase, one thing you’ll be able to textual content? Like, I really feel unsafe on this scenario. Are you able to come get me? Like some form of security system that they will instantly name their guardian or textual content their guardian to get out to the place they know straight away that one thing’s not okay and I want you to come get me now. In order that manner they know one thing’s not proper and I want picked up instantly. In order that manner if they’re at a good friend’s home or a boyfriend’s home or a girlfriend’s home and one thing’s not okay, I want to depart straight away. 

Kate Setter 

And I really feel like that’s one of many ways in which expertise really helps us as a result of GPS permits us to know the place they’re and to get to them quick. And so whereas expertise has positively launched some complicating conditions, There are some actually good issues about it as effectively. 

Ashley Cremeans 

Yeah. 

Kate Setter 

That’s nice recommendation. Thanks for that. So I need to transfer now to ask you about consent legal guidelines. And what are they? Do they range by state? What do households and children have to learn about these legal guidelines and the best way they have an effect on them. 

Ashley Cremeans 

So, and since we’re within the tri-state space, it makes it good and difficult as a result of Indiana, Ohio, and Kentucky all have totally different age of consent legal guidelines. So it makes it good and messy that it can’t simply be clear. Ohio, their consent legal guidelines, nobody below the age of 12 can consent to intercourse with anybody. So that’s automated. 13 to fifteen can consent to intercourse with anybody that’s 13 to 17. So there’s this four-year age window the place they will have consensual intercourse with anybody that very same age vary. After which 16 and older can consent to intercourse with anybody of any age. So that’s like an fascinating caveat. So they will have intercourse with any particular person, any grownup. so long as they’re not particular person who’s like a caregiver or offering like a instructor, a coach, particular person of authority. So so long as they’re not in that energy authority function. 

Kate Setter 

In order that’s Ohio. In order that’s Ohio. 

Ashley Cremeans 

Sure. 

Kate Setter 

Okay. 

Ashley Cremeans 

Kentucky is somewhat totally different. Nobody below the age of 15 can consent to intercourse. After which, so that’s no age, like there’s no age restrict there. So nobody 15 or youthful can consent to intercourse. 16 or 17 can consent to intercourse. After which theirs is somewhat totally different. There’s like an age restrict, like they can’t, that’s like 10 or older, 10 years or older. 

Kate Setter 

Oh, than the particular person who’s consenting. 

Ashley Cremeans 

Yeah. So like if you’re 16, you can’t, it’s no person like 26 or older. Like, so there’s no like 10 12 months age restrict for them? 

Kate Setter 

Okay. 10 12 months age hole between the 2 individuals. 

Ashley Cremeans 

Between the 2 individuals, yeah. 

Kate Setter 

Fascinating, okay. 

Ashley Cremeans 

After which once more, similar factor, no caregiver, no authorized, all of, for similar, it’s just about the identical throughout. Like no particular person of energy or authority, they can’t have intercourse with anyone in that age with that like energy or authority rule. Then Indiana’s sort of comparable, 13 and youthful, can’t have intercourse with anyone. 14 and 15 can have intercourse with 14 to 17. After which 14 and 15, anyone 18 and older, is against the law for them. After which 16 and older can have intercourse with anyone, 14 and older. It’s very difficult. So that is the place we run into points as a result of I’ll inform you, we see largely youngsters in Ohio right here on the Mayerson Middle. Most of our interviews, most people we see are from Ohio. And the place we run into essentially the most difficult conditions are our 13 to fifteen 12 months olds who’ve relationships with people who find themselves older than 18 they usually didn’t notice it. So then that turns into a criminal offense. 

Kate Setter 

Okay. 

Ashley Cremeans 

Or we see our children who’re like 13 that simply had like had simply turned 13 or like our 12s who didn’t notice like a 12 12 months outdated who had intercourse with somebody who was somewhat bit older than them, after which that particular person is a perpetrator now, like a 12 with a 14-year-old, and now that 14-year-old is taken into account a perpetrator of a criminal offense. So you bought like your center schoolers who’re having intercourse, that now the 12-year-old is taken into account a sufferer as a result of they’re 12 as a result of they can’t consent, however a 14-year-old could be thought of a perpetrator of a criminal offense. 

Kate Setter 

And so all of this looks like That is why the conversations with mother and father are so essential, for folks to know who their youngsters are in relationships with. Sure. And have the ability to understand how outdated they’re and what a few of these conditions are, as a result of that sounds prefer it will get difficult actually shortly. 

Ashley Cremeans 

It does, yeah. And it’s like, I believe the toughest half is loads of occasions youngsters assume that they, 12’s most likely our hardest as a result of they don’t notice they will consent. to something. Like they’re the toughest ones to know as a result of they assume they’ve each proper to, and as a guardian, you’re like, 12, no manner would you ever have intercourse. However they arrive in and they’re like, oh yeah, completely. And so they don’t notice that they’re not sufficiently old to consent. And so they are available in weapons a-blazing, able to not need to speak to us. However their mother and father are livid as a result of they by no means wished this to occur to them they usually need them to completely proceed with a prison investigation. However this particular person’s their boyfriend, their girlfriend, and they’re so mad that their mother and father need them to have a prison investigation, however they love this particular person. That’s their 13, 14 12 months outdated boyfriend. Like in our eyes, it’s not, they don’t assume it’s a criminal offense, however it’s as a result of they simply didn’t perceive that it’s prison. It’s prison. So that’s why it’s so essential for us as mother and father to know what’s authorized, what’s not authorized, since you simply, these are fifth and sixth graders. You simply didn’t know, no person knew. that it was unlawful. 

Kate Setter 

And they’re youngsters navigating very grown-up issues. 

Ashley Cremeans 

It’s, yeah. 

Kate Setter 

However thanks for working by means of these. That’s difficult. It’s. And understanding that there are most likely youngsters who’ve relationships with youngsters in different states as effectively, that simply, that will get difficult. 

Ashley Cremeans 

It does, yeah. So that’s why it’s arduous to, that’s very arduous to navigate. And it’s loads of arduous conversations that now we have, like whereas we perceive that you just didn’t notice this was unlawful, your guardian desires to guard you. And I believe that’s the toughest dialog that we should have with youngsters. And even our like, our 13, our ones which are in that authorized age the place they will consent, like they don’t, loads of occasions mother and father get mad when the children are sufficiently old to consent they usually need to go after after they’re nonetheless in that authorized age. Like they didn’t notice that they had been each nonetheless sufficiently old to consent. they usually don’t need them to be having, I imply, most mother and father don’t need their center schoolers, their freshmen in highschool to be having sexual relations. So loads of occasions that’s after we nonetheless see mother and father desirous to pursue prison fees even when they’re sufficiently old to consent to intercourse. So I believe that it’s nonetheless essential to know what these ages are so that you just don’t get your self in bother as a result of I believe that’s the place issues get difficult. I believe the opposite one that’s the most arduous to navigate is when it turns into the 16, those which are older, like that 13, when that four-year window lapses, that will get arduous too. 

Kate Setter 

As a result of then you’re speaking adults and issues get difficult there too. 

Ashley Cremeans 

Yeah. 

Kate Setter 

Okay. Thanks for working by means of all of that with us. 

Ashley Cremeans 

Yeah, it’s arduous to recollect and arduous to navigate generally. 

Kate Setter 

As we wrap up our dialog, if households had been to remove just some key messages about consent from the dialog we’ve had at the moment. What would you need them to recollect? 

Ashley Cremeans 

I believe the most important factor is to keep in mind that these conversations are tough at any age, particularly with youngsters, most likely they’re the toughest to navigate. They’re awkward conversations to have, particularly with these teenagers, however they’re most likely the most essential ones to have as a result of it’s those which are going to guard our children. It’s going to maintain them protected. So the aim is to have them in order that they will navigate actual life conditions they usually can do it with confidence. It’s greatest after we do these frequently, having them all through their life on a regular basis as a lot as we will in order that we will maintain them protected and having the conversations in loads of other ways. Once I speak to my youngsters and after I inform mother and father to have these conversations, I encourage them to do them in low influence conversations. So whereas you’re driving to and from observe, when you’re driving to and from locations, as a result of you’re not head to head, these are awkward conversations to have. So attempting to do them entrance to entrance when you’re eye to eye, awkward. No person desires to do this. So do it within the automobile when you’re, it’s simply you and them, no person else within the automobile. You’re not, not loads of strain, and you’ve got somewhat little bit of privateness, in order that manner you’ll be able to simply have somewhat little bit of time to speak to them within the automobile, forwards and backwards to locations. Convey it up when you’ve somewhat little bit of time, although, in order that manner if one thing does spark from that, you’ve bought a while to take a seat down and discuss it. Be okay with not understanding all of the solutions, although. So in the event that they ask you a query you don’t know the reply to, that’s okay. I’m unsure. We will look that up collectively. We’ll determine it out collectively. If you happen to don’t know the solutions, that’s all proper. 

Kate Setter 

And do you’ve any trusted assets or assist that you just notably assume is effective for households to know is offered for them in the event that they want it? 

Ashley Cremeans 

Yeah, I imply, so Mayerson Middle, our web site has loads of nice assets on wholesome boundaries. We will ship out assets about like what consent is should you want them. You’ll be able to all the time attain out to us and we will ship them out to you. Loveisrespect.org is a superb useful resource with regards to assets on wholesome relationship relationships. February is Teen Relationship Violence Consciousness Month, so there’s a lot of assets in the neighborhood proper now all about teen relationship violence throughout on-line proper now about that. 

Kate Setter 

I believe that was every part I had ready for us at the moment, Ashley. Any closing ideas? 

Ashley Cremeans 

I don’t assume so. Like I stated, this dialog just isn’t about giving your youngsters permission to have intercourse. It’s about giving them instruments to be protected and ensuring that they’ve respectful relationships and beginning the conversations to maintain them protected. So it’s nearly conserving the dialog open and creating an excellent, wholesome dialogue in order that you guys can have an amazing, trustful relationship shifting on. So simply maintain the dialog and going. 

Kate Setter 

Incredible. Thanks a lot for becoming a member of us at the moment. We’ve been speaking with Ashley Cremins, and we’re grateful for her time and for this dialog. Thanks for listening to the Younger and Wholesome Podcast. If you’re having fun with the present, be sure you comply with us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to pay attention. You’ll be able to keep linked and get the newest updates by following us on Instagram at Younger and Wholesome Pod. If you happen to discover this episode useful, share it along with your family and friends as a result of staying younger and wholesome is one thing we will all do collectively. We’ll see you subsequent time. This episode was recorded on February seventeenth, 2026. The knowledge within the Younger and Wholesome Podcast is meant for informational and academic functions solely. This episode was produced by Kayla McNeal, and our theme music was created by Steven Grieco.